My good days are great and my bad days are crushing.

Today is a good day. I wish I could feel this way 24/7. This is how I would be more often than not if I did not have to deal with all of the BS that comes along with eczema.

I know that I've written about my eczema before, but what people forget is that between the entries that I write about it in, I still suffer from it. Every every day.

Unfortunately, I'm not the kind of person who can just put it aside. It governs the way I view the world. If all of my days were like today, I would be so much farther along in life than I currently am. I believe that 100%.

The bad days are my downfall. The bad days are the ones when I want to face no one. Strangers, family, no one. I want to spare them the akwardness of being around me and trying to not stare. But more importantly, I want to spare myself from KNOWING that they're staring or that they feel bad for me.

I cannot honestly remember the last time that I have felt this way (huh...most people say that about being in love...I say that about looking "normal"). Today I can look people in the eyes when I talk to them. Today I actually WANT pictures to be taken of me. Today I want to actually attempt the impossible. Today is a rare day.

I have come to classify my days as "Jekyll" or "Hyde" days.

I can very much empathize with Dr. Henry Jekyll when I'm having a good day. On a day when we're in Jekyll form, we're still kind of meek toward the world because we wonder two things: 1) how many people did I hurt when Edward Hyde came out this time? and 2) how long before Hyde comes back?

On an Edward Hyde day...well, that's very much what it's like...I'm vaguely aware of things around me and I'm vaguely aware of the fact that I'm interacting with others, but I snap at pretty much everyone for no reason at all. Only after the fact do I look back and feel bad for my actions. The looking back part is very much like trying to remember parts of a dream that your brain is barely letting you hold on to. It all seems surreal.

I realized last night that not even I know who I am. I'm apparently really entergetic and pretty much straight forward. The confidence that I have at this moment is unbelievable. I feel like I could take on the world and win. It's amazing.

I've often wondered why I have been cursed with this condition. The optimist in me says it's to teach others about it. The realist in me knows that my character is not that strong. The pesimist would have me kill myself on a Hyde day. Fortunately, I've been able to resist that temptation in the belief that things will get better. On those days, I remind myself that it can ONLY get better.

Today is so far above a Jekyll day that I cannot even describe it. Today is the day that I want first impressions to happen. Today is the day that I want everyone who has ever starred at me because of my eczema to see me.

It is a rare day.

(Hopefully, from now on, this will be an "average" day. Wouldn't that be fantastic?!)