Hmmm....only a month and a half between entries. Nice. I really need to get on the ball with this thing and update it more frequently. If I continue at this pace, I'll be in my apartment by the next time I write.

Anyway, today I'm going to write about something that has been weighing on my mind very heavily as of late.

Basically, I have taken this year (especially the past few months) to try and figure out what I want out of my life. I honestly still don't know. I do know that I'm beginning to learn more about who I am and who I no longer want to be. I discovered that I was a person who use to do what everyone said, no questions asked. No matter how I felt about something, I never spoke up if it was what the other person wanted. I realized that this had to come to a stop when this guy that I was uber interested in told me one day that he was interested in someone else. He didn't have many hang ups in telling me this because I wasn't (according to him) the kind of person who "freaks out". I'm guessing that means that I'm not the kind of person who would go all girly and start chucking things at his cranium, calling him a bastard and whatnot. At the time, he was right. I didn't cause a scene. I became more and more inverted because I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't do anything to hurt me as the outside world does. I spoke to this guy about a week ago and we were civil to one another (we've never not been civil to one another, actually). We discussed movies. That's my safe ground with anyone. You can bash a movie to pieces and it's still not a direct insult on the person. Back to the story: I emailed him that night telling him that I really did enjoy talking to him (honest truth...talking to him keeps, or kept I guess, me sane), but I also had to let him know that he had hurt me (also the honest truth...imagine flying 2,000 miles to see said person and THEN being told that he was no longer interested in you, but some 5'10 blonde chick...tell me that wouldn't hurt a little bit).

I seem to be losing friends left and right. I'll admit that I've become a bit difficult lately, and I make absolutely no apologies. I'm at a rather scary point in my life. 23. No idea what I want to do. Very interested in starting a relationship, but, alas, the guy is not interested (I think....I'll write about that next time because that is also weighing heavily on my mind). I've never been at odds with anyone in my life. Anything I decide can and will have a domino effect on the rest of my future. In the past month, I've alienated three of the people whom I've been closest to. That does worry me, but at the moment, I have no idea how to fix it.

Anyway, I'm going to go away now and escape into another world....in other words, watch a movie (or possibly continue on with Order of the Pheonix).