AAAAHHHHH!

That's basically what I said at the top of my lungs today when I entered the apartment (well, after I made sure my roommate was out....living with me is hard enough without him thinking that I'm charging toward his room with an axe).

I'm already tired of my job. Well, I was tired of my job two weeks ago, but today I seriously contemplated leaving.

Here's what happened:

A few days ago, one of my co-workers called me up and asked if I could work Sunday morning for him. I told him no problem, and he offered to switch shifts with me. Well, he put that I was working for him in the book (the horrid little thing that we have to sign to make everything official, YET no one actually ever looks at), but somehow forgot to put that he was working for me.

About 4:30, when I was supposed to be heading home, one of the managers comes to me and tells me that this guy is working for someone else, not for me. Yep, boys and girls, he double booked himself, and somehow, I'm the one who got screwed.

My manager told me that since the book wasn't signed (I take full responsibility for that....I foolishly thought that an adult male could take care of a simple task such as that), that I would have to cover the shift.

This would have been fine on any other day, but on this particular day, I had a massage scheduled at 7pm.

I asked said manager what would happen if I wasn't there to cover the shift.

"It'll be a no call, no show," she said.

"I mean, will I be written up, or what?" I questioned.

"It's a terminable offense," she said, sounding shocked that I was even considering not showing up.

I assume that by "terminable offense" they meant that my job would be terminated, not me.

"Okay," I said in a tone that indicated that I was going to think about it.

I went back to my tables and continued to take care of my guests, as they are the ones who are actually paying my rent, not the restaurant. I closed out all of my checks, and my manager came back to me, demanding to know my decision. I informed her that I had not yet decided.

Shit, meet fan.

I had never seen the managers get so worked up so quickly. But to me, this was a big decision.

On one hand, I had my job. The way that I pay my bills (barely) every month. For some reason, the opportunity to get out of this job presented itself, and I had to ask myself why. Why did it come along at this time? Was I supposed to leave? On the other hand, I had a client who had actually asked me to give him a massage. May seem like a no brainer as I cannot yet accept money for massage, but right now I'm working for referrals, and working on people who WILL be my clients when I become licensed.

If I had had some money put aside, I would have left and not looked back.

A short while later, I went to one of the managers and told him that I would be there tonight, but needed about twenty minutes to call my client and reschedule.

It was THEN that they decided to tell me that they had gotten the shift covered, but wanted to see what decision I was going to make. Them covering the shift was their way of "helping me out" and showing me that they wanted me to be there. They then went on to tell me that while they liked having me as an employee, they wanted me to be "more positive" when I'm there. I'm usually very Zen when I'm at work, so it really threw me for a loop. After talking to him for a while, I discovered that most people thought that I was upset most of the time because I rarely talk. Sorry, I just don't talk at work. I don't feel like I fit in yet, so I'm just watching everyone, trying to figure out where everyone stands on everything. I'm usually perfectly happy at work, but because I'm not smiling and running around trying to get everyone to hold hands while singing showtunes, no one believes it.

*sigh*

At the end of the conversation, my boss told me that he thinks I made the right decision.

In my heart, I know that I didn't. For whatever reason.