So today I get up early and headed to high school. Granted, I graduated in 1998, but I still had to drag my weary bones in there this morning. I am applying to massage school and have to get my transcripts from both college and high school sent to the school I'm applying to.

Well, my timing, as usual, was awful. I get there and all of the students are changing classes...in other words, making googly eyes at one another in the hall way and still walking just above a snail's pace directly down the middle of the hall, making it impossible to pass on either side.

I eventually get to the counceling office, where they keep all of our records under lock and key, and fill out the forms and pay the dollar (yes, one dollar...I considered counting out a hundred pennies just to piss them off) to have my transcript sent to the school.

Mission accomplished, I prepared to leave the school. While I had been in the counceling office filling out the endless forms (I think I signed away my first born son in there somewhere), the bell for class to begin rang. Having finished what I came to do, I saw no reason to remain in this building. I spent four mind-numbing, suicide provoking years there, that was enough for me, thanks.

I was walking toward the door and pulled my keys out of my pocket. There was a teacher guarding the door to prevent any of the students from escaping. I flashed a smile in his direction and proceeded for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" I heard a voice say,as I reached out for the handle.

I didn't stop right away, because I honestly didn't think he was talking to me. When it hit me that there was no one else around, I stopped in my tracks and looked at the man who I had just smiled at.

"Huh?" was the only word I was actually able to form (does that actually count as a word?).

"I asked where you were going," he said flatly, arms crossed (do guys actually think that makes them look more "authoritative"?)

"Uh...hoooome?" I actually said it like that too. For some reason the "o" was extremely drawn out as if he was from another planet (Mars!) and I was trying to figure out how to explain it to him.

"Do you have a note?"

I honestly did that thing that dogs do when you say a word they don't understand. My head cocked completely to the side and my eyes got huge. I could not believe it. These guys chase me for four years and tackle me to the ground everytime I even think of leaving the building, and here, the first time I've set foot in there in five and a half years, they're still giving me grief.

"Uh..." I said to stall, looking for words. "No. I'm 24. I graduated in ninety-eight," I explained.

"Oh, okay, sorry. Have a good day."

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF SAYING THAT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY IN HIGH SCHOOL???