Two guys go into a bar to enjoy a drink and unwind after a long day at work. They begin talking about their jobs.

"What do you do?" the first guy asks the second.

"I'm a traffic cop," he responds. "What about you? What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," the first guy responds, taking a drink of his beer.

"A rectum stretcher? What is that?"

"Well, it's exactly what it sounds like."

"How do you do that?" the cop asks.

"Well, I take one finger and lube it up really well and insert it in the rectum. Then I get the second finger lubed up and get that in there. I keep doing this until I'm able to get one hand in there. Then I lube up the other hand and get that in there. Then I push and stretch until I have that rectum about six feet wide."

"What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?!"

"I give it a badge and a radar gun and turn him loose on the streets."

***The preceeding joke is compliments of my friend Kris. Kris is a bartender at the restaurant that I work at and he told this to a group of regulars that were hanging out at the bar one night. The regulars were rolling with laughter. When the laughter died down, Kris realized that one very stern looking man was sitting at the end of the bar, not cracking a smile. You've probably guessed it by now: he is a traffic cop. It would be bad enough if the story ended there, but no. A few nights later, Kris was serving tables (away from the bar) and had to SERVE THIS GUY AND HIS WIFE. Talk about your awkward moments!