Warning: Heavy Topic

Do I believe in God? Yes. Absolutely. I've actually never not believed.

I think that comes from my grandma. My grandma believed in God without question. It's just one of those things. If Grandma said something, it was.

Do I believe that God is the same fair and just being He use to be? Not for one second.

Too many bad things happen everyday for me to believe that He's looking out for us.

War, beheadings of innocents, animal cruelity (that actually bothers me more than what people can do to one another) and the ultimate thing that makes me realize he's not the same God as a few generations ago: 9/11.

I know that every generation has something huge to deal with. 9/11 was my generation's.

And it shook my faith to the core.

That's just my general feelings on God toward mankind. Personally, I believe He's all but forgotten about me.

Forsaken, I believe is the word people use.

Each day of my life is worse than the one before it. I don't get any breaks anymore. No good happens these days. Just one bad thing after another. I've gotten to the point where I don't even turn to Him anymore. Everytime I ask Him for something, the opposite outcome occurs.

I had planned to write so much more, but now that I'm trying to put it in words, I realise that it's harder than I thought.

If I was in a relationship where I was being abused, everyone would urge me to get out. If I allowed that guy back into my life, everyone would think that I was the dumbest person alive. That is the main reason I do not feel I can turn to God. Everytime I do, something bad happens. Why would I turn to someone who continually lets me down?

I guess the main point is that it's going to take a LOT for me to even think of turning back to him.

I am so going to be struck by lightening tomorrow.